February 2012
12 posts
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Bacon Flavored Vodka. →
This exists.
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I don’t think trash-talk or so-called “bulletin board material” matters as much as sports media & sports fans want to pretend it does. Do losing teams ever think, “gosh, maybe we would have won if our opponents had trash-talked more during the week & given us more motivation to win?”
Trash-talk doesn’t kick field goals, and it doesn’t block...
In 1988, Cocktail won the Razzie for Worst Picture of the year. Compared to the worst of 2012, Cocktail looks like Fellini’s 8 1/2.
January 2012
19 posts
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What The Hell
OK, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I think I would make an awesome Satan. I know exactly how I would set up hell. First off, it would start like jury duty—there would be an orientation session with all the new arrivals huddled together in one large drab room where they have to fill out information on clipboards and listen to a droning speech explaining what happens now that...
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Retire When You Damn Well Feel Like It
Gonna be weird seeing Peyton Manning in a different team’s jersey if that’s how it ends up going down, but like I said about Brett Favre, if you’re healthy enough to do it, and you’re still having fun doing it, and teams out there are still willing to pony up good money to give you the opportunity to do it…then…well…don’t stop doing it.
I think...
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MY ANALOGY FOR GOOGLE:
CUSTOMERS: “Google, please fix the leaky plumbing in my house!”
GOOGLE’S RESPONSE: “Exciting news, customers! We painted the house a different color! Again!”
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I don’t think Presidential debates should have audiences, and in fact I don’t even think we should have polling. My rationale behind this is that candidates should not have any idea whether the public likes them or not until the real votes are cast. The voting public should not be treated by campaigns and news networks like they are one giant focus group for campaigns to tweak their...
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I think Sigmund Freud was kind of like the Christopher Columbus of psychoanalysis. Got more credit than he deserved, didn’t discover what he thought he discovered, and better people followed in his footsteps. Columbus, however, did not give the world cocaine. But to be fair, Freud was not responsible for thousands of rapes and murders, so…we’ll call it a tie.
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Just finished HELLRAISER 5 aka HELLRAISER: INFERNO. Damned if these movies don’t just keep being awesome. I mean think about it, how many film series make you say, ‘Wow, part 5 was awesome!’ Not a whole lot of awesome part 5s in the wide pantheon of movie sequels. Alrightie, more than halfway done with my Christmas box set. Five Hellraisers down, three to go!!!
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ATTENTION BICYCLE RIDERS
Yes, in the state of California, you do have to fucking stop at Stop-signs just like cars do. EVERY TIME, not just when your dumb ass feels like it.
I have seen VASTLY more bicycle riders completely ignoring Stop signs than I have ever seen ones who heed them. In fact, they ignore Stop signs so often that I wondered if maybe it was legal for them to do so, maybe I was missing something. Maybe...
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Changed Name
So I have ditched the “Dave’s Blog of Dave” name and gone with “Puntificating,” for lack of anything better. Was tired of having my name as part of the title. But yes I am still DAVE DAVE DAVE.
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As you watch presidential debates keep in mind...
epic4chan:
“The smart way to keep people passive and obedient is to strictly limit the spectrum of acceptable opinion, but allow very lively debate within that spectrum - even encourage the more critical and dissident views. That gives people the sense that there’s free thinking going on, while all the time the presuppositions of the system are being reinforced by the limits put on the range of...
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“Speed is a side effect of always doing things correctly. Correctness will never...”
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Colin Cowherd belongs doing infomercials at 3am. Just listen to the guy; listen to the tone of his voice, the way he talks, his personality, everything. Just listen to him talk for 60 seconds on any show, and instead of what he’s actually saying, pretend he is saying “IT ACTUALLY CUTS THROUGH NOT ONE, NOT TWO, BUT THREE DIFFERENT TYPES OF METAL! YOU NEED THIS KNIFE SET FOR ONLY 3...
December 2011
6 posts
Plans
So I was sitting here thinking about how often people tack on “it’s God’s plan” to the end of a sentence about how something didnt go their way. And I started wondering, what are the dumbest sentences where you could do this?
Major diahrrea right now but it’s God’s plan. Spilled tabasco sauce on my tie but it’s God’s plan. Hootie & The Blowfish...
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There needs to be a secondary “I honked my horn by accident because I’m a stupid fuck” apology horn.
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The combined OOC games of LSU & Alabama:
Georgia Southern Kent State North Texas Northwestern State Oregon Penn State West Virginia Western Kentucky
Those eight teams were the “representatives” of non-SEC teams. If none of those teams could beat either LSU or Alabama, then no one can, right? Clearly no one else deserves a shot. Ah, the insulated little world of the SEC. If...
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November 2011
15 posts
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“I live every day as if it were my last—meaning I don’t pay bills,...”
– Anonymous
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Maybe as a way of drumming up revenue, the USPS could run a series of ads aimed at hipsters…you know, encouraging them to “ironically” send regular mail instead of emails.
Commercials could show somebody opening up a letter that only says “lol” along with an entire url typed up on the paper…presumably a link to some humorous website that they can’t click...
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I hate it when I’m watching local news, and the sports guy finishes his report and tosses back to the lead anchor, who then has to smugly chime in with his two cents. ”Boy, sure sounds like the Clippers will have their hands full this weekend, Phil!”
What is that crap? The sports guy never does that. Can you imagine the lead anchor finishes some report and then tosses to...
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The more I read about this Penn St. thing the more disgusted I am. Retiring at the end of the season isn’t enough. Paterno should not be allowed to coach another game.
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I just got an ESPN email blast with the subject line of “NUTT OUT AT OLE MISS.” I will nutt out where I damn well please thank you very much.
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November 5th
Today is the 56th anniversary of the day time travel was invented!
After tying the record so many times, Matt Barkley FINALLY breaks the USC record with 6 TD passes in one game!!!! Fight on Matt!!
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